Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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