Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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