Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
handjob tips. give me some.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
