Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
