...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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