Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
