im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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