Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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