Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
