he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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