I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
