our cab driver is having phone sex.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
