If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
