I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
