i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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