I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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