I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
