after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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