friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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