you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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