Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
