just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You dont lie about slip and slides
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i out mim tonsoeep
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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