You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
