I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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