ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
