How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
