It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
