ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
birth control should be required to get into college
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
