11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
