I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
