I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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