NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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