i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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