There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
