Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
