your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
