Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
