Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
