The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
