i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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