So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize