He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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