about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
