in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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