I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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