I need to stop coming to work sober
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
