sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
