The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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