so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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