Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
