Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
