last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
