I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
